there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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