My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Are my feet made of real feet?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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