HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
