yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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