need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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