You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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