wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
