My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
