hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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