I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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