NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
