Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
