it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I touched a dick in church today
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
