I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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