He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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