my mouth tastes like poor choices
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
