There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
