I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
