I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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