I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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