yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
