I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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