I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
