I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
