Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
