he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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