I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
