Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's always time for handjobs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
