i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
