Ketchup is God's man juice
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
