ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You work out of a Hotel?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
