Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
