Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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