the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
that may or may not have been my penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
