why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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