I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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