I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
