Rock
Scissors
Fuck
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
