1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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