There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
