It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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