Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
