This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
