worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
