the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
