So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
