I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
