trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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