Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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