one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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