I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
