Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
