You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
