He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
