Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
