"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
