i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
