he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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