Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
