I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
