you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
