So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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